The purpose of this meditation is to generate the strong wish to abandon samsara – uncontrolled rebirth into cyclic existence – and then to meditate on this in terms of compassion.

I began by calming my mind with breathing meditation and mixing my mind with my Spiritual Guide’s mind. After a while of enjoying a very peaceful and tranquil mind, I moved on to the main meditation.

I began by thinking about the introduction to the Intermediate Scope given by my Spiritual Guide in Joyful Path of Good Fortune. He says that samsara is uninterrupted rebirth without freedom or control. We think we are free to go from place to place, to meet people and to make other choices. But in terms of the context within which we make these choices, we are powerless. We cannot choose to avoid getting sick, getting old or dying. We cannot choose what happens to us after we die. We are blown by the winds of our karma like a helium balloon in a windy sky.

An image came to me from a computer game that my son plays, called Portal 2. In it, the character controlled by the player has a gun which can ‘shoot’ portals onto walls, floors or ceilings. There are two types of portal and you can have two (one of each) active at any one time. One type you can step through, so if you fire the portal onto a blank wall, you can walk though the wall via the portal. Where do you come out? You come out wherever you placed the second portal. One thing you can do is fire a portal onto the floor, and another onto the ceiling directly above it. When you step over the first portal, you drop into it, and fall from the ceiling where you put the second portal. You then drop into the first portal and go around and around continually. It is quite a breathtaking experience and give you the feeling of being completely out of control.

I felt myself aware of falling through my lives, completely out of control. I felt a little dizzy as I felt myself in freefall, and scared too. Scared of this lack of control. I developed the wish to stop this process. I wanted this to be my last life where I had such a lack of control. I want to end this process and stop samsara. I settled on this wish and let it fill my mind, meditating on it for a long while…

After this I wondered what this meant in light of great compassion.

It seemed to me that just as I want freedom for myself, later in the Lamrim I develop the wish for others to be similarly free from their suffering. I need to free myself from samsara so I can free others. With this addition aspect in mind, I returned to my renunciation, and focused on it.

Dedication

May all living beings free themselves from the freefall of samsara, and quickly attain enlightenment for the benefit of all.

Practice in the Meditation Break

I will contemplate the lack of control and freedom I actually have, and try to keep a wish to be free.