The purpose of this meditation is to generate an understanding of the pervasive nature of the appearance of inherent existence, and then to contemplate what this means in light of wishing love.

I began with some simple breathing meditation before moving on to the main meditation.

I started by thinking about a line in Heart of Wisdom, where Geshe-la says that if we perceive a body that is independent form its parts, then that it the inherently existent body, and it does not exist at all.

I thought about my I rather than my body, and how my I normally appears to me. It’s ME. Just me. It is perfectly clear and obviously ME. It goes without any question or consideration at all. I and me. Completely solid – the co-ordinator of my life, the centre, the main thing. It definitely appears to be independent from my body and mind.

Is my I my body? No. Is my I my mind? No. Is my I my body and mind together? No, because they are ‘mine’, and if they are mine they are not me. ME ME ME. Where is this ME? I felt quite frustrated, because it appears as so obvious normally, and all the way through this process, I could feel it, but I can’t pin it down.

I carried on trying to see it, and I wanted a sort of emptiness of the I to appear, but I have to say that I didn’t really get that at all. I knew I couldn’t find it, but it was still SO strongly there. I was surprised at how pervasive it felt, even though I knew I could not find it. I was satisfied with this feeling of my I appearing as massive and pervasive, and at the same time unfindable. I took this as something, even if it wasn’t what I was aiming for really.

After a while, I thought about wishing love and what emptiness means in terms of wishing love. Realising emptiness will allow me to put my wishing love into practice, because I will become liberated from samsara, and if I can then attain enlightenment, I can help all living beings perfectly. With this in mind, I looked again for my I, without much success.

Dedication

May all living beings see the deceptive nature of phenomena, and become enlightened beings quickly.

Practice in the Meditation Break

I will try to be aware of my I, and recognise it does not really exist, despite how pervasive it is.